Corporate language is a curious creature. It’s a Frankenstein’s monster of buzzwords, acronyms, and metaphors that no one asked for. In the office, people casually throw around phrases like “low-hanging fruit” and “drill down” as if they’re auditioning for The Apprentice. But let’s be honest—if you talked like this anywhere else, people would assume you’ve been hit on the head with a whiteboard marker.
So why does anyone think it’s acceptable at work? Truth be told, it’s not. Corporate jargon doesn’t make you sound clever—it makes you sound ridiculous.
The Home Test: When Corporate Speak Leaves the Office
Before we dissect why corporate jargon has no place in the workplace, let’s imagine what would happen if you used it at home. Spoiler alert: it would not go well.
Scenario 1: The Dinner Debate
Your partner: “What shall we have for dinner?”You: “Let’s align on a nourishment strategy and circle back with an action plan.”
Your partner gives you a withering look, grabs the takeaway menus, and decides unilaterally. Congratulations, you’ve just been “actioned out” of the decision-making process.
Scenario 2: The Chore Negotiation
Your partner: “Can you take the bins out?”You: “I’ll take that offline and prioritise it after completing higher-level deliverables.”
Translation: You’re not doing it. And now you’ve earned yourself a lecture—and quite possibly bin duty for the next week.
Scenario 3: A Romantic Moment
Your partner: “I love you.”You: “Acknowledged. Let’s table this for a deeper dive during our next quarterly relationship review.”
Well done—you’ve just killed the mood faster than an unexpected Teams meeting. Enjoy the sofa tonight.
The Art of Saying Nothing (But Loudly)
Corporate jargon doesn’t work at home because it doesn’t work anywhere. It’s the linguistic equivalent of stuffing a sausage with hot air—it looks impressive, but there’s nothing of substance inside.
Take this classic meeting gem:“Let’s focus on the quick wins while keeping an eye on overarching synergies.”
What does that mean? Are we solving a problem or writing an abstract for a management textbook? If you strip away the buzzwords, what’s left is probably: “Let’s start with the easy stuff and work together.”
Simple, clear, effective. But no, apparently simplicity is too pedestrian for the corporate world.
The Comedy of Overcomplication
Using corporate jargon is like using a jet engine to boil a kettle—excessively complicated and guaranteed to waste time. Consider this masterpiece:“We need to ideate on cross-functional synergies to drive scalable solutions.”
Translation: “Let’s come up with ideas that work for everyone.”
The original may sound grandiose, but it doesn’t actually say anything. It’s noise masquerading as wisdom, like a particularly verbose parrot in a pinstripe suit.
You’re Not Fooling Anyone
Here’s the real kicker: everyone knows corporate jargon is nonsense. Nobody is impressed when you say you’re “leveraging robust frameworks to action key takeaways.” They’re just too tired—or too Britishly polite—to point out that you’re spouting gibberish.
In fact, corporate jargon often reveals one of two things:
You don’t know what you’re talking about.
You’re trying far too hard to sound impressive.
Pro tip: If you can’t explain your point using plain English, it’s probably not the listener who needs to “circle back.”
The Real Damage
Corporate jargon isn’t just irritating—it’s actively harmful to workplace communication:
Confusion: Instead of making things clearer, you’ve sent your team down a linguistic rabbit hole. Now they’re Googling “synergy” instead of tackling the task at hand.
Frustration: No one enjoys deciphering cryptic nonsense during a 4 PM meeting. Every time you say “blue-sky thinking,” someone in the room mentally quits their job.
Time-Wasting: Meetings are already too long. Adding layers of jargon is like throwing treacle on the gears of productivity.
Imagine a World Without Buzzwords
Picture an office where people speak plainly. Instead of saying, “Let’s circle back offline to discuss the roadmap,” you say, “Let’s talk later about the plan.”
Revolutionary, isn’t it? You’ve just saved everyone time, effort, and a lot of unnecessary head-scratching. Congratulations, you’re now the most popular person in the room.
Breaking the Habit
If you’re a chronic jargon user, don’t worry. You can recover:
Pause Before You Speak: Ask yourself, “Could I say this to my gran without her giving me that look?”
Use Normal Words: Replace “bandwidth” with “time” and “leverage” with “use.” Trust us, the English language is not short on alternatives.
Introduce a Buzzword Jar: Every time someone says “synergy,” they owe a quid. By year-end, your office will have enough for a team holiday to Ibiza.
The Bottom Line
Corporate language doesn’t make you sound clever. It makes you sound like a contestant on Countdown who’s only picked vowels. Ditch the jargon, embrace plain English, and watch your colleagues sigh with relief.
Because at the end of the day—oops, sorry—because honestly, clarity will always trump trying to “utilise collaborative verbiage for enhanced communicative alignment.”
Now go forth and speak like a normal human being.
About the Author: Richard Arnott, BA, FInatAM, FIToL, is a Director of BMTG (UK) Ltd, and the author and lead presenter of the groundbreaking, globally recognised Advanced Certificate for the Executive Assistant: ACEA® program. Richard also sits on the editorial board of Lucy Brazier OBE Executive Support Magazine.
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