As an Executive Assistant (EA), you often navigate situations where disagreement is inevitable—be it challenging a manager’s decision, resolving tensions between departments, or balancing conflicting expectations. Avoiding these moments may seem easier but can lead to unresolved issues, poor communication, and missed opportunities. On the other hand, poorly managed disagreements risk damaging relationships and productivity.
The key to effective disagreement lies in respectful dialogue. When approached with tact and empathy, disagreements can foster innovation, build trust, and strengthen teamwork—positioning you as a valued collaborator and problem-solver.
Why Disagreement Feels Difficult
Disagreement is often uncomfortable, especially in professional settings where harmony is prioritised. For EAs, who often act as a bridge between various stakeholders, the stakes can feel particularly high. The temptation to avoid conflict altogether may seem appealing, but that approach often leads to hidden frustrations, delayed progress, or unresolved tensions that resurface later.
High-performing teams don’t avoid conflict; they embrace it as an opportunity to improve. Consider these common departmental dynamics:
Product Development vs. Marketing: Product teams may focus on perfecting features, while marketing prioritises time-to-market.
Operations vs. IT: Operations prefer stability , while IT prefers change.
When handled well, these differences lead to stronger collaboration and more innovative solutions. Similarly, respectful disagreement in your role can transform challenges into growth opportunities.
Strategies for Respectful Disagreement
Some actionable techniques to help you disagree constructively:
1. Build a Foundation of Trust
Creating an environment of mutual respect ensures that disagreements remain constructive. When others trust your intentions, they’re more likely to engage positively in difficult conversations.
Example: If your executive proposes a high-pressure deadline that seems unrealistic, you could respond with, “I understand the urgency and want to ensure success. Could we discuss the resources required to achieve this on time?” This frames your concern as collaborative rather than oppositional.
2. Engage in Active Listening
Truly listening to others’ perspectives before responding can defuse tension and encourage productive dialogue. By showing genuine curiosity, you make the other party feel valued, even if you ultimately disagree.
Tactic: Use phrases like, “Can you expand on that?” or “I see where you’re coming from; let me share my thoughts.”
Example: When a colleague suggests a change you find impractical, start by asking them to explain their reasoning. This turns the disagreement into a discussion rather than a debate.
3. Understand the Underlying Drivers
Instead of focusing on the disagreement itself, dig deeper to uncover the motivations or priorities behind the differing perspectives. This approach often reveals shared goals, enabling compromise.
Example: If a team is pushing for more resources than are available, ask, “What’s the critical outcome you’re aiming to achieve, and how can we align efforts to get there?”
4. Use Positive, Solution-Oriented Language
The words you choose play a vital role in maintaining a respectful tone. Focus on the issue rather than the individual and aim to collaborate rather than criticise.
Example: Replace, “This isn’t going to work,” with, “What if we explored an alternative that addresses [specific challenge]?”
5. Bring Solutions to the Table
Expressing disagreement is far more effective when paired with actionable solutions. This shifts the focus from problems to possibilities, showcasing your problem-solving skills.
Example: If a proposed meeting agenda feels too ambitious, suggest a revised plan: “Could we prioritise the key topics for this meeting and address the remaining items in a follow-up?”
Practical Scenarios
Scenario 1: Managing Conflicting Priorities
Your executive assigns a new project with an unrealistic timeline alongside existing commitments. Instead of immediately pushing back, approach the situation collaboratively:
“I’d like to ensure this project gets the attention it deserves. Can we review current deadlines to determine what adjustments might be needed to meet expectations?”
This conveys commitment while addressing limitations, helping you and your executive align.
Scenario 2: Mediating Departmental Tensions
Two teams are clashing over resource allocation. As an EA, you can facilitate a constructive discussion:
“Both teams have valid points, and it sounds like there’s a lot at stake. Could we identify shared priorities and explore how resources can be allocated to support both?”
This approach fosters understanding and helps teams focus on shared goals rather than differences.
Final Thoughts
Conflict doesn’t have to be divisive. By building trust, listening actively, and focusing on root causes, you can transform disagreements into opportunities for growth and stronger collaboration.
As an EA, your ability to navigate these conversations respectfully isn’t just a professional skill—it’s a way to strengthen your relationships, elevate your role, and contribute to the success of your organisation.
The next time you encounter a disagreement, don’t shy away from it. Approach it with openness, curiosity, and a commitment to finding common ground. Respectful disagreement isn’t a barrier—it’s a bridge to better outcomes.
About the Author: Richard Arnott, BA, FInatAM, FIToL, is a Director of BMTG (UK) Ltd, and the author and lead presenter of the groundbreaking, globally recognised Advanced Certificate for the Executive Assistant: ACEA® program. Richard also sits on the editorial board of Lucy Brazier OBE Executive Support Magazine.
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